What I learnt from our cat (which went away)
It is around this time of the year in 2020 that our beloved ‘school’ cat, Ginel, suddenly disappeared. It came into our school and our lives in Dec 2019 — a very busy time — and entranced us for four months, and then abruptly left. However, it taught us a lot (not in the classrooms, of course — though it went to the classrooms sometimes) during this brief time that it was here.
No matter how much all of us fretted over it and wanted to take it in our lap, Ginel was never moved by it. It came to us when it felt like, and did its own things when it felt like. Sometimes it didn’t eat the food we gave it, sometimes it did. It appeared to have no need: it didn’t need our affection, shelter, or food. That was what made Ginel (or cats in general, as opposed to dogs and other pets) so attractive: we always feel more drawn towards people (or animals) who do not need us, because they seem to be on a higher plane.
On a lesser level, this ‘strategy’ is exploited by humans also: in relationships, people often ‘play hard to get’: by showing low level of need, they try to increase their attraction quotient. In any business transaction too, if you are desperate, then you have low negotiating power. Having no apparent desire was the secret of Ginel’s appeal, because in a world where everyone has some need or the other, having no need is a superpower.
Ginel used to spend many hours sitting in one place — sometimes just grooming itself, sometimes doing nothing. This is also something to learn from: we humans find it so difficult to spend a few minutes without doing anything. Restlessness strikes, and we pick up a phone, switch on TV, or go towards a friend.
This restlessness is a manifestation of a constant dissatisfaction — we are never content: no matter where we are, we always want something else. We want things to move. If we go on a vacation, we are not content sitting in our pretty resort, we immediately make plans for additional sightseeing. If we are settled in a job, we want new roles and responsibilities. This lack of satisfaction is uniquely human, animals don’t suffer from it. And naturally, we humans pay for this restless mind: by being discontent, by not being able to enjoy nature, by not having immersive experiences.
When we were just getting acquainted with Ginel, Sayoni once tried to touch it, and it got startled and bit her, drawing blood. As a precaution, she had to take a few injections. This pain didn’t prevent her from loving Ginel — she would later spend many hours taking it on lap, putting it to sleep.
This taught us that somehow, we assume, animals act according to their nature, and we don’t harbour any resentment even though they might have harmed us. But humans who sometimes end up doing wrong also act according to their nature and circumstances, and why can’t we have the same loving approach towards them?
This gave us a practical lesson about unconditional love: we learnt to be more loving towards everyone, because finally, there is not much free will even in humans, and why not love instead of judge? (though, most humans are not as cute as Ginel, and that creates a bit of a difficulty!)
We are, of course, still very far from the ideal of unconditional love, but after Ginel pointed us to the right direction, we got a lot better.
During this time, we also learnt to love without being attached. Before it permanently went away, Ginel used to mysteriously disappear every once in a while (probably to search for mate?). We knew that even though we love Ginel, it may some day go away, and we learnt to live with that idea. We loved it very much still, but we were not immeasurably sad when it finally, permanently disappeared.
If this is our approach to relationships, then there is not much pain: we enjoy while it lasts, but we don’t (and can’t) hold on to anyone.
Most importantly, Ginel came to our lives during a time when we were crazily chasing myths (college admissions, results), and like a whiff of fresh air and innocence, told us there is much more to life than success, achievement, and glory: sometimes cuddling another living being is all you need.
